I wonder

I wonder if i imagined it all...
was there never an 'us'? were you fictitious?
born from the depth of my imagination, wishful thinking...

Did nothing ever happen? or was it all false and vile..
i do not know.. maybe i'll never know.

You act as if it were all a dream,
as if my schizophrenia had produced them;
these images, these memories.
Can memories be so cheap,
as to be conjured up as and when one pleases?..strange.

Rhetorics, all of them...
I know the answer, yet i dont know.
Will i ever think without thinking that i am thinking wrong?
Will ever a day come, when my self-worth and confidence overrides my confused love?
I await in anticipation.

I want freedom, but do i really?
A few constraints to comfortably kick against,
could not be such a bad thing.
freedom breaks restrictions, and yet, it is limiting....